Ben Harper and “Forever”

Yesterday on The Bachelor “After the Last Rose” Brad turned to his estranged Emily and longingly pleaded, “Give me your forever.”  I immediately thought of Ben Harper’s song “Forever” from which that exact lyric is derived.  I’m not sure if Brad Womack was making a reference or just a genuine request, but it got me thinking about the concept of promising someone that you will be with them forever.

Ben Harper makes it sound not only sane, but beautiful to request from someone their “forever.” It has always been one of my favorite of his songs and I’ve always felt that it holds a childlike truth.  We all want to believe that the love we give will be accepted and reciprocated.  We certainly don’t want for others to put a cap or a time limit on the love they give us.  I mean, if you fell for someone you thought was pretty amazing and finally decided to express your truth to them and in a moment of vulnerable clarity said, “I love you!” the last thing you want to hear is “I love you.  I mean,  right NOW, but I can’t make any promises babe.  Love comes an goes.  You know? But stick around.  We’ll see.”  That would suck.  Nice people don’t say that.

I’ve never wanted to get married.  Even as a little girl, I never fantasized about it or gave it any thought.  People, and more specifically most of the guys I date, think that’s weird.  Some even attempt to argue with me that I’m not a healthy person because I don’t want to wear a white dress and spend $20,000. on a banquet hall and fancy steak and declare my forever to someone in front of 100 or so people I may or may not know.  Other people avidly argue that I just haven’t me that “right” person who I’m willing to declare my forever to.  I haven’t looked up the statistics, but the divorce rate is pretty high.  It seems to me like promising someone forever doesn’t hold the same clout as it used to.

I’m no relationship expert.  With that said, here’s my take on a better way to go about getting someone’s “forever” if that’s what you really want.   Give loved ones the full extent of your love right now.   I’ve always said, “Forever is just a bunch of moments strung together over ‘time’.”   If someone is expected to stick around forever, one would expect that they should be having fun and enjoying their time.  I can’t think of a better way to spend time with someone than staying in the moment with them.  If both people are having fun and enjoying their time won’t all of the moments they keep deciding to do that together eventually add up to forever?  If and when the fun ends and endless unsolvable drama ensues, isn’t it healthier to lovingly let someone go?

I am admittedly obsessed with the The Bachelor.   I am absolutely fascinated by it.  In watching season after season I have noticed a common theme.  When a girl begins to get heady with the bachelor, it takes the guy right out of the moment.  The second that one of the girls starts focusing her thoughts and conversations around the future, or the other girls in the house, or her insecurities about being hurt in the future, almost across the board the bachelor will soon eliminate that girl.  The bachelor always seems to end up with the girl who has fun with him in the moment, that he is at ease with, and feels that he can be himself around.

But then again, those couples usually get divorced too.  I was going somewhere with this.   Remember, I’m no expert and I might be wrong.   What do you think?  I appreciate your comments and whatever conversation follows.

Be Silly.  Have Fun.


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